A question I often get asked is how is life with two compared to life with one baby and honestly it is amazingly chaotic. It is definitely a roller coaster of emotions, it is like you go through all of the emotions on a daily basis, you are happy, frustrated, sad, emotional, excited and all of these from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to bed.
Would I have done it differently if I knew? NO WAY. It is hard because you have two babies, one of them is a toddler but if we are completely honest they are still babies. For me personally it would be much harder if they had a bigger age gap between them. I cannot imagine having a kid who sleeps through the night, doesn’t wear diapers (obviously), is independent and having a newborn afterwards. Now I feel like I am used to this, I am used to waking up during the night, changing diapers (even though my son is completely potty trained now!) and just in general being a mom of babies. That of course varies, some parents prefer a bigger age gap and I totally understand that as well.
When Olivia was a newborn it was hard. It was mainly hard because I went through depression (you can read a bit more about it here) and because we all needed time to adjust. It is hard because you worry 24/7 if you have done the right “thing” or if having another baby will hurt your toddler in the worst way possible. It is hard because you try to focus more on your toddler and you have to attend to your baby at the same time while trying to help your toddler to accept the new family member. You focus on the things you kind of need to do in order to make the transition from an only kid to a big brother (preparing your toddler for the new baby) and you barely have any time for yourself. But things do get easier, they got easier ones we all got used to the new routine, used to be a family of four instead of three.
George started caring more for Olivia ones she started smiling to him. I guess he knew she likes him! They now have developed their own way of communicating and it is literally the sweetest thing. He will give her his cars (which is a big deal for him) and she will laugh to every single thing he says. Their bond is growing on a daily basis and it is just so rewarding seeing them love each other.
But it is not always easy and I am definitely not trying to sugar-coat anything, if anything I try to be as honest with my posts and my photos as possible. There are days when just getting both of them ready for nursery is difficult, and by noon I am wondering if bed time is close enough! The hardest thing for me is their bedtime when I am alone with both kids. They both take a bath together, which I find is a great way for them to bond, and I then have to take Olivia out, dress her, give her her bottle and put her to bed while George entertains himself in the bath (of course I constantly check on him). Then I have to wash George, take him out, (fight to) brush his teeth, get him dressed, then it’s time for storytelling, then he has his bottle and then I put him to bed. Sometimes it all works out perfectly and sometimes Olivia will cry through randomly when I do George’s bedtime which lead to me going from one room to the other while trying to keep them both calm (it never works out). But still I wouldn’t change a thing, I love every minute with them, the tantrums, the laughs, the crying, the whining, the smiles, the “I love you”.
I blame myself a lot of the times during George’s tantrums. It’s hard not to actually, blame myself as I always find myself wondering whether his tantrums are due to the fact that he no longer has all of my attention or maybe I need to feed Olivia when he really wants us to play with his train/cars. But then I see the way he looks at her and I realize that this is not the case. That he is happy to have her, his face lights up every time he sees her. But dealing with toddler tantrums while taking care of a baby is draining, it’s hard but I wouldn’t say it’s much harder than without having Olivia.
Olivia is a rainbow baby which makes the whole journey a lot more special. This is a constant reminder that even the hardest days will pass. Even though it doesn’t seem like it on those days, the next day is always a bit easier. And honestly I always find that those days are hard, not only due to the kids but also because I am tired. Finding time for myself while trying to figure these motherhood journey is hard but I try to at least find an hour every couple of days where I only focus on myself, maybe take a bath, or go for a walk or just sit and relax. This always helps make the next days a bit easier.
I apologize if this post is all over the place, I always find myself coming on here when I feel like I have something to say. A lot of the post may never be posted but it is also a diary for myself, it is something I will read in couple of years and remind myself of how things were and how things will be. Having two kids so close in age, is the most rewarding thing as I see them interact with each other, they grow together and their bond grows with them. I am not sure whether they will have the same interests or not but I think that because they are so close in age they will do. And I will do everything I can, for them to have this special bond for years and years. I would love them to have each other back even when they are older.
How would you describe your life if you are a mom of two or even a mom of one?