Last night I failed!

“Motherhood is never all rainbows and butterflies but it’s also not always black or white.”

Motherhood is definitely one of the most rewarding journey of our lives but it’s also one of the toughest ones. Motherhood is never all rainbows and butterflies but it’s also not always black or white. There are tough days and there are good ones, there are amazing months and then there is the hardest week you have ever had. I am all about sharing my journey, my honest motherhood journey on here and let me tell you that I have failed. Last night I failed.

“I know that he is in the “threenage” stage “

George has been testing me, testing the boundaries we have set for him, testing my patience and so on. He is a sweet, caring, kind child but once things don’t go like he wants them then it feels like a switch is flicked inside him and he turns into the most aggressive, stubborn and angry child. I know that he is in the “threenage” stage and I am suppose to be patient and be understanding, which I am. Even I sometimes wonder how can I be so patient.

I have learned to choose my battles with him, if it is not causing him any harm and it’s not something  I am against him doing then he is free to do it. He wants to take off his shoes and walk without them around the play area we are even though clearly no other kid does? He is free to do it. He wants to wear boots even though it’s hot outside, just do it! He wants to drink juice from the bottle even though he will probably spill it? Do it. And the list goes on, from not eating to sleeping with a hundred of toys that will probably wake him up every time he moves.

But this week has been tough. He is grumpy and whining about everything. He is perfectly fine we laugh and play and he then asks for an ice cream at nine o’clock in the morning, he doesn’t get it and guess what? He starts whining and crying and screaming!

“…that was my breaking point”

Last night I failed. Yesterday was tough, it was one of the toughest and good days at once. We had fun, we’ve been to the beach, ate outside, met family and played so much that even my back hurts. But George was constantly complaining about everything, who is taking him to the toilet, that the has sand in his shoes (well you get that when you play in the sand), that he is hungry even though he just refused to eat his lunch but is hungry and wants ice cream and so on. I let a lot of things go by, just ignored him and moved on, offered something else to get his attention from the thing triggering his anger and so on. I was patient, so patient on that day.

We came home and I promised him to have shower with him ad read 2 stories, we occasionally have showers together it’s a way to squeeze in a one on one time with him while Olivia is sleeping. I needed to get something done. And he needed to use the potty. He refused to use it as he wanted to pee in the bathtub (does this ever end?) I insisted and he went to the toilet instead. He started whining, crying, jumping like a spider with his hand and legs going the opposite way (how does he even do that? What exactly is he doing? Is he alright? He probably is, he is mad dancing?) and that was my breaking point. I grabbed him from his hand took him to his room put on his Pj’s and put him to bed. No shower, no stories.

“I let my emotions take over. I broke.”

I couldn’t take it any longer and I failed. I let my emotions take over. I broke. He cried and I cuddled him and put him to bed. He then went to use the potty and I put him to bed and explained why he didn’t get to take a shower with me and read stories. He cried. I didn’t cry. I explained over and over again that we only get what we want if we are nice. He fell asleep. And I cried.

I failed. I failed to show him how to be patient as I wasn’t patient. I failed to teach him a lesson without yelling. I made my baby cry. I failed.

Today will be a better day. For both of us. I am more patient and he probably got the message. But looking back, have I failed? Am I a bad mom for losing control on a tough day, week or month? Should I be beating myself up? Did I do it because I didn’t like his reactions or did I do it so that he doesn’t have the same reactions again?

“it is OKAY to break, it’s ok to lose it every once in a while.”

What I want to say is that it is OKAY to break, it’s ok to lose it every once in a while. We are humans, we are not machines. Motherhood is hard. It’s okay to fail. You will succeed tomorrow. Stop beating yourself up, you are not a bad mom. I am sure we all have days where we fail. Motherhood is a journey, you lose, learn and win.

You can’t learn without losing first. If you have failed it only means that you are there for them all day long every single day and you got tired, one day you just broke. It’s okay. You are not a bad mom. You are a good one. Tomorrow will be a good day, I promise you. You are a good mom!

YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!